History is a lie agreed upon, and so is the present day when navigating the narratives of the internet's conspiracy crowd. But luckily we have a swathe of talking heads who are here to separate the wheat from the chaff, sift through the bullshit and amplify the white in the white noise. They are here to tell us the truth, no matter how unpalatable, bigoted and fallacious this might seem to reasonable or informed people.

 

In the USA they have entire networks dedicated to distributing this modern day two minutes of hate. It can be highly lucrative to wind up the credulous and furious, and these outlets namely The Daily Wire, OAN, Rebel TV, Turning Point and others do very well and have directed more people to the right wing than a stewardess during a crash landing. These outlets can loosely be described as purveyors of news, in the same way that a dirty protest can loosely be described as an example of elegant home decoration.  

 

In the UK we have the propaganda Network GB News and Talk TV. They are very much the Robbie Williams to America’s Justin Timberlake in this regard, the Jim Davidson to their Dave Chappelle or the Scunthorpe united to their Dallas Cowboys. Essentially they do the same thing but with wildly different standards of aesthetics and with far less talent, charisma, skill and panache. The main through-line is a mixture of right wing and far right politics and performative outrage deployed through the lens of conspiracy and faux anti government sentiment. 

 

But, as I believe Shakespeare once said, there are levels to this shit. If we think of Alex Jones and David Icke as top billing prize fighters slugging it out against the illuminati on a pay per view from Las Vegas, then people like Russel Brand, Laurence Fox and their ilk are a man killing rats with a hammer in a ring of hay-bales in the dimly lit back room of an abandoned warehouse in Kidderminster.

 

Often their path to enlightenment just so happens to coincide with a spectacular public fall from grace and the disintegration of prior contacts and opportunities in the media industry, usually due to some dreadful statement or action in the midst of a tantrum. This triggers a need to take stock, understand the world more clearly, and reappraise what is important in a spiritual awakening and reinvention, which is entirely organic and nothing to do with them becoming completely unemployable by any organisation with a degree of sense. For examples see Russel Brand, Laurence Fox, Katy Hopkins and others, who, unfettered by the constraints of journalistic ethics, moral standards or an employer who is accountable for them are finally free to tell people exactly what they want to hear on the internet. 

 

This is in order to make their audience, and to a degree themselves, feel superior, like they are plucky freedom fighters being persecuted for standing up to tyranny. Techniques to get an audience onside will involve love bombing, flattery, the implication that they are super smart for figuring out what the narrator is spewing at them and the concept that anyone who disagrees with them just isn’t that clued up. Handily this type of rhetoric often also helps to justify their audiences hatred of certain groups such as foreigners or trans people whilst simultaneously positioning themselves as the real victim which is win win unless of course you are foreign, or trans or have a modicum of human decency. 

 

If you think this is in some way manipulative or cynical, perish the thought. Maybe you need to unplug from the matrix, this can be achieved by the use of health supplements and by altering the avenues by which you receive news, opinions and facts. Thankfully most of these people have access to these things, they really couldn’t be more helpful in guiding you on your journey. Sure you might have to cast aside dead weight in the form of friends, family or work colleagues, but whose to say they weren’t holding you back anyway. Think of these things as like the skin a snake would shed, the chrysalis you discard as you evolve into a butterfly or the weaker conjoined twin that you must batter to death in their sleep so that you can take sole ownership of your kidney. The phrase cult like gets bandied about in regards to these people but I think that may well be a misspelling.

 

This is a mission to these people. Their true calling. I mean sure they have very little choice in regards to work but I'm sure these humble prophets do this purely out of the goodness of their hearts and a firm desire to set people free from mental slavery and victimisation at the hands of the woke and all they ask for in exchange for these revelations and confirmations of inherent biases is praise and a constant flow of money. 

 

The question that interests me is whether or not these people believe their bullshit, have convinced themselves of their own bullshit or have so little integrity and respect for themselves and their followers that they will simply lie to their audiences faces for money.

 

A prominent figure on this depressingly shit scene is former BBC Historian and TV presenter Neil Oliver. Oliver first appeared on our TV screens over 20 years ago. Fresh faced, with flowing black hair, he looked like the sort of person you would see in a velvet jacket and ruffled shirt, gently bobbing their head at a Sisters of Mercy concert. Recently he has adopted a more dour and dishevelled appearance akin to the sort of person you might find living in a shack in the woods and has adopted the personality of an end times preacher or small time cult leader. Like Charles Manson but without the charisma. He isn’t on the BBC any more and has adopted quite the conspiratorial outlook of late. This combined with his downbeat personality and the fact that his hair looks a but like floppy ears has led my co host Brent to give him the simply brilliant nickname tinfoil Eeyore. 

 

Following studying for an MA in Archaeology and a stint as a journalist Oliver was plucked out of obscurity in 2002 by a BBC talent scout who liked his Mr Darcy esque looks and felt that he would be the perfect host for historical TV shows. That same year he was given the prestigious honour of providing the voice for the narration on the fleet of Glasgow sightseeing tourist buses. But he didn’t let this go to his head and over the years he hosted several popular history documentaries and the thing he is most well known for Coast – in which he wanders up and down various coasts. The last of these was filmed in New Zealand in 2016 at which point he began writing a column for the Times.

 

Then in 2021 it all started to go wrong. Oliver, a TV historian and MA level educated archaeologist declared that the lockdown in the UK, done to combat the spread of the covid pandemic, was and I quote, “The biggest mistake in history”. This immediately made some doubt his credentials as a serious historian noting some pretty poor decision making in the past leading to events such as the holocaust, the slave trade, the Holodomor or the continued hiring, promotion and televising of James Corden. Oliver also compared the UK governments covid measures to Nazi Germany, so he can’t even use the excuse that he hadn’t heard of them when making his previous statement. In August of that year he continued his childish tantrum by saying he would gladly catch covid for freedom. He was picked up by GB news and became a hero to legions of self centred inconsiderate melts that put their own minor inconveniences over measures designed to try and stop people from dying. He was also critical of vaccines too because of course he was the absolute weapon. He said that masks were designed to instil fear and “blinded people to the reality of manipulation and mass hypnosis used to make them, and to keep them compliant”. I think he may have confused masks with blindfolds, which is easily done. Unfortunately this led to Oliver being asked to leave the board of These Islands, a pro union group that does not wish Scotland to have its independence. Not the confusion over masks and blindfolds, the other mental covid stuff.

 

Oliver eased himself into the conspiracy world by complaining about the set tropes that freethinkers all adhere to and began doing monologues on GB news incorporating these topics into his baleful laments. This made me even more convinced that he was a goth. They should have called his show the “Moanalogues”. Thank you I’m here all week.

 

Some say that his choice to do monologues is is a sure sign of attention seeking and indicative of a deeply troubled and potentially sociopathically narcissistic mind – anyone that does monologues should be viewed with the upmost suspicion. 

 

Nevertheless Oliver took to his new role as a fear porn pimp with aplomb. Soon he was publicly covering himself in more shit than GG Allin.

 

During a monologue delivered on his GB News programme on 4 February 2023, Oliver spoke of a "silent war" waged by generations of politicians in order to take "total control of the people" and impose "one-world government". This is a reference to the document “Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars” which was published by luminary of the conspiracy world Bill Cooper, in his book “Behold a Pale Horse.” which was also a favourite of the Oklahoma bombers. They also liked the Turner diaries. This is not a biopic of Ike or Tina.

 

The origin of the Silent Weapons document is best described as laughably implausible bullshit. The story goes that an employee of Boeing bought a spare photocopying machine, for the parts, from McChord Air Force Base in 1986 only to discover the document had been accidentally left inside. The document is supposedly a manual detailing how the illuminati will take control of the worlds population in a covert manner so this was a pretty catastrophic mistake made by the illuminati who are usually so careful about this type of thing. Leaving your secret plans for world domination inside a photocopier tends to portray this so called illuminati as less Marxist new world order and more Marx brothers.

 

Also, and this is important, the document is utter bollocks. It makes less sense than a Salvador Dali painting. It literally claims that economics is gamed by the illuminati because they view it as similar to electrical circuits. Dear listener, it is not. This is one of many clues that this might not be a genuine document detailing the highest level plans of a sinister group that controls the world, but at the same time are stupid enough to leave their elaborate plan in a photocopying machine.

 

Bill Cooper is also not the most reliable of characters. Popular theories of his involve the driver of JFK’s motorcade being the real assassin in that case, UFO’s and underwater craft of extraterrestrial origin being real and hidden by the government, cults such as the brotherhood of the snake ruling the planet and a belief in the Protocols of the elders of Zion which details how Jews rule the world. Although Cooper did say that the famously antisemitic document was flawed in as much as the word Jew should be replaced in every instance with the illuminati. David Icke has stole this concept and pretends that it his own as if this makes the document any more credible. The document is a known fake that simply plagiarises three well known sources and cobbles together a story designed to be used to persecute Jews. 

 

Interestingly Cooper hated David Icke, thinking that he was spouting new age occultic nonsense. He also hated Alex Jones who he labelled a liar after he irresponsibly told a live audience on New Years Eve 1999 that missiles had been launched at targets in the USA. Cooper also hated popular conspiracist Jordan Maxwell too. He was by all accounts an unpleasant alcoholic, who was uncomfortably close to the Klu Klux Klan and who eventually died in a shoot-out after murdering a policeman. For a supposed historian Oliver is remarkably unquestioning of his source material.

 

Cooper is best known for supposedly predicting 911 and saying that Osama Bin Laden would be blamed for it but wouldn’t be the culprit. Sounds impressive – but it isn’t. You see Bin Laden at the time had made public statements that he was planning to attack the USA and had helped the attack on the USS Cole earlier in the year. He had form for this, having arranged the bombing of the WTC in the 1990s. CNN had reported that Bin Laden, a known terrorist, was threatening an attack on the USA. All Cooper did was read that headline and say – if there is an attack and they say he did it, then it wasn’t him it was the NWO.

 

Alex Jones shamelessly stole this and he too claims to have predicted 911. He too is lying. Jones just repeated the line that Cooper said but claimed that the attack would be in Oklahoma city. On the day of 911 Alex Jones told his listeners that the EU was responsible, in a plot to make the USA adopt the euro as currency which goes without saying is an extremely cretinous reading of the scenario. He didn’t mention Bin Laden once. Jones has berated Cooper several times on his Infowars show for being a foul mouthed, overweight, alcoholic, oh how the tables have turned.

 

In May 2023 Oliver retweeted an image featuring Bill Gates, writing "Bill Gates: the text book example of the danger posed by rich and powerful people utterly devoid of empathy or care for individual human life".The image featured Nazi, Satanic and Illuminati imagery with reference to the New World Order. For some reason it also had pictures of Jeffrey Epstein and Anthony Fauci. the image showed Gates as a Nazi experimenter with a swastika and IG Farben logo on his clothing. The original source for the tweet was Liz Churchill, a profoundly stupid and abhorrent person who really doesn’t deserve any further explanation than that.

 

In July 2023 Oliver asserted on GB News that reported high temperatures recorded during that summers heatwave, some reaching into the mid 40s, were fabricated and designed to spread fear about climate change. He accused the BBC of measuring ground temperature instead of air temperature to artificially inflate the numbers. He was corrected by BBC Meteorologist Tomasz Scafernaker who explained that this was “Absolutely not true” To add to his embarrassment the Met Office confirmed that all temperatures reported were taken at a height of 1.25 m and that ground temperatures would be even higher. 

 

Evidentially not done with being humiliated for his lack of knowledge Oliver decided to debate Dr David Lloyd on the safety of vaccines in September 2023 and yet again had his arse handed to him.

 

Oliver suggested people are dying of “unknown causes” in hospitals, surmising that it could be the vaccines that were rolled out during the pandemic. But Dr Lloyd pushed back, saying: “I think you’re completely wrong there, the mRNA vaccines are phenomenally safe and have the most fantastic potential.”

Oliver responded by saying the vaccines were “unquestionably” causing deaths, to which Dr Lloyd said: “The health benefit ratio of using vaccines in Covid is overwhelmingly favourable”, before questioning Oliver’s use of “unquestionable”.

In January 2024, Oliver, still not sick of making a complete fool of himself, argued on GB News that the coronavirus vaccine caused a condition called "turbo-cancer" in children which isn’t a real thing and has absolutely zero supporting evidence to back it up. The man seems more of a glutton for humiliation than Max Mosely.

 

Also in Jan 24 he decided to inject some danger into his families lives and invited Russel Brand to stay at his home. At this time he began to refer to himself as conspiracy Gandalf but the sycophantic way that he panders to any old nonsense that benefits him makes Grima Wormtoungue a far better comparison. 

 

Brand has recently become a Christian and even was baptised in the Thames river. Many argued against this as there is quite enough excrement floating in the UKs rivers already thanks to the governments policies. This was obviously completely genuine from Brand and in no way an insultingly transparent attempt to rehabilitate his image and try to encourage people to forget that he has been accused of being a dangerous predator with a penchant for rape. The offer of a place to stay from Oliver was, I’m sure born out of genuine friendship for the accused sex pest, and in no way a really tacky way to try and increase his profile with Brands followers.

 

So anyway I decided to check out one of Oliver's monologues on his YouTube channel. Often people use sensationalist, hyperbolic titles to get attention, but this is obviously beneath Oliver, who we must remember was once a professional broadcaster. His latest film is titled “Evil, evil, evil” and has the hashtags #Neil Oliver, #Nazis and #Boris Johnson. For a brief second I hoped that the title indicated that he might be reviewing a new Misfits album that I hadn’t heard about but sadly that hope quickly faded away.

 

The thumbnails for all his videos share a theme. Oliver appears in them looking very much like a man who reeks of stale cider and is liberally stained by his own piss, aggressively shouting at you through your passenger side window as you are trying to leave a pub car-park.

 

The first thing I notice is his glassy unblinking eyes. They are cold and strangely without emotion, like a great white shark or Tom Cruise. He tends to stare through you as if you don’t exist, like a person working at the post office might. 

 

Oliver has the disturbed 1000 yard stare of a PTSD riddled Vietnam combat veteran, the survivor of a terrorist atrocity or of someone who has had to endure ten minutes with James Corden. Its difficult to know if this is due to emotion, if its an affectation or simply the grim realisation at the course his life has taken. This combined with his greying beard gives him the look of a taxidermied badger.

 

His voice is soft and measured. Slightly lilting and yet with an undercurrent of foreboding, which is exactly like I imagine the recorded voice is that tells you what buttons to press in the pods at dignitas.

 

Behind Oliver is an Indiana Jones style hat. It is not unreasonable for an archaeologist to relate to the character of Indiana Jones but in Oliver's regard fighting with Nazis might well be frowned upon by his employers and viewers.

 

He isn’t wearing his trademark scarf come cravat that he is closely associated with. Sartorially it sits equidistant between Quentin Crisp and Grandad from Only Fools and Horses. But today sadly it is absent. 

 

The video is called “Thought of the week” which to me implies that one a week is his uppermost limit. It is said that the test of intelligence is to be able to hold two ideas in your head simultaneously, does this suggest that it would take a fortnight for Oliver to achieve this?

 

The film starts with Oliver saying, “Greetings all you wonderful people out there.” and I immediately dislike the insincere bastard. This strikes me as the same love bombing, flattery based manipulation that we see from most of these fake guru types. I notice that whilst he is speaking there is strange, plinky, plonky music playing that reminds me of a high end spa, a mid-level dentist or quite a posh brothel. This is apt as Oliver immediately starts asking his followers to send him money.

 

“You know that quote from the American German writer Hannah Arendt?” he starts. This is another tactic that these talking heads use, acting as if they are speaking directly to you. This is to build the idea of a personal kinship and interaction when in fact this is at best a para-social relationship and at worst exploitative and borderline abusive. 

 

Arendt reported on the trial of Adolf Eichmann and coined the phrase “The banality of evil”. This was because Eichmann, who helped plan and facilitate the transportation of huge amounts of Jewish people to camps during the holocaust, was strangely dull and bureaucratic. He was neither perverted or sadistic and was described by Arendt as “terrifyingly normal”. Although the acts were evil, it was suggested that Eichmann did not have evil intent, but was simply doing his job and was able to mentally disconnect his role from the outcome. 

 

I wonder where this is going? Fully expecting a comparison of the UK governments covid response to the holocaust. The idea being those who facilitated it were too, just doing their jobs and in Oliver's mind are just as evil. It goes without saying that this is an acutely idiotic opinion.

 

Oliver continues, “I think about how many people in positions of power over our lives are knowingly overseeing the dismantling of the civilisation of the West.” 

 

Crikey. I did not expect that. Thank heavens he isn’t being overly dramatic. 

 

“Countries like Britain, countries like America obviously are being dismantled right before our eyes and the ways of life that have been possible here a couple of hundred years ago or more are being taken apart bit by bit like an old mechano set.”

 

Two hundred years ago? The 19th century? I mean I suppose he’s right. There no longer exists the opportunity to work for Napoleon, you can’t be a slave trader anymore, there are scant opportunities to work for the East India Tea company or to be involved with the British Raj. None of us will ever get the chance to promote the newly invented colt revolver. 

 

Also being pedantic Britain is a collection of countries and you build a mechano set, you don’t take it apart but hey ho. If I was desperately suspicious I would think that this was a none to subtle dogwhistle suggesting that immigrants and LGBT people are in some way ruining society. However this is incredibly close to the fascist concept of nations as organisms being de-habilitated by outside influence and I doubt that Oliver would be that foolish and irresponsible to mean this, why that would mean that he was a ludicrous person and not one to be taken seriously at all. 

 

“And furthermore, the people overseeing that are also overseeing death! The death of fellow human beings. And while they do so they only see pound signs and dollar signs that result from their banal evil.” He doesn’t have the self awareness to recognise this but he is describing himself. He is also describing David Icke, Russell Brand, Laurence Fox, Alex Jones and his employers GB News. These have all petulantly whinged about covid restrictions and given out terrible advice for people to ignore safety measures and eschew vaccines and social distancing. They have undoubtedly killed people, their own fans and followers and all for money and attention.

 

But he goes on, postulating that “They” actually enjoy creating chaos and death. Who “They” are isn’t fully explained. Usually in this sort of a rant it refers to Jews, or the bankers who happen to be Jews or the wealthy who by sheer coincidence are either Jewish or if not Jewish described as crypto-jews, secret Jews who rule the world clandestinely. It is not clear if Oliver explicitly means this or is just using the trope.

 

But he is sure that “Overseeing the dismantling of the West is what they are doing” which again sounds very much like a dogwhistle for the fascist Great Replacement Theory. This theory states that immigration is replacing white people, this is also called white genocide. Now I have said this before, but, no one actually gets replaced in this theory, white people still exist, its just that so do non-whites. In fact there isn’t actually any genocide in this white genocide. You can’t find a better example of white privilege than this.  

 

“They are condemning hundreds and thousand of men, women and children to death” Oliver rants and I wonder for a brief second if he is talking about capitalism.

 

“How to understand behaviour like this? I think some of it has to do with ego” At this point I notice that the reading on his self awareness gauge has plummeted perilously into the red and simultaneously the dial on my irony detector has flown to the extreme right, broken off and is bouncing across my coffee table.

 

Oliver continues, “I have to rewind a bit. I had to admit that for the first 50 years of my life I was too blind to see what was happening around me. I didn’t pay attention to events in the macro, in the micro” I’m not sure what he means here and to be honest I don’t think he knows exactly what he means. He may well be referring to Makro the chain of cash and carrys.

 

“And its embarrassing, its been a humiliating process.” Is he talking about working at GB News?

 

“You know, like a lot of people I thought I was smart”

 

Oh fuck me here we go. This is the sort of arrogant faux self depreciation that all of these wanabee gurus use to manipulate their audience. It seems like self reflection, like they had the bottle to admit they were wrong and then grew and evolved with new knowledge. But it isn’t that at all. Its just a way to brag about how really smart they are now and to imply to the audience that they too can throw off the shackles of previous beliefs and become enlightened like the host. And you can trust them, I mean look at how open and vulnerable they are, look at how honest they are admitting to knowing nothing in the past. These are people that you can trust. These are people that can help you. I mean sure it might not be free but its worth it. Its a transparent attempt to be a massive wanker without admitting to being a massive wanker. Its obvious flattery of the audience, playing into and justifying their paranoia. He is more full of shit than Johnny Depp's duvet cover.

 

The grift goes on, “I was well educated and thought I knew what’s what. But the last 3 or 4 years have confronted me with the most confronting and humbling education.” I suspect he is talking about having to work in the same building as alleged sex pest Darren Grimes but I could be wrong.

 

“People think they are educated and stubbornly refuse to admit they got it wrong” This is from a man who has been regularly shown to be clueless on his own TV show on a number of subjects. He has been proven to be completely uninformed on a plethora of topics from Covid to vaccines to climate change and to instances of cancer. Each time an expert thoroughly had his pants down and made him look an idiot. And yet he stubbornly refuses to admit he got it wrong. This man is a buffoon.

 

He proceeds, “A lot of them are still cheerleading what was wrong thinking it was right!” Its been over 7 minutes and I still have no clue as to what he is talking about. But that is sort of the point. You can throw around vague phrases and the audience can apply their pet hate, be that the lockdown, vaccines, immigration or whatever terrifies and confuses them.

 

He then finally gets specific. “You know the vaccines or the so-called lockdowns… The stupid smart people, they seem to have opted to keep their heads down at best. At best because accepting and coming to terms with the realisation that they were like me, too dumb or too gullible to see what was going on” so you see now that all his previous humbleness was all in service of him basically saying he is smarter than everyone else. Its childish. His main concern though, is why aren’t people as terrified of the made up shit that he is terrified of? He is wondering why the general population are not up in arms about the things that he is concerned about and you have to remember this man is exceptionally clever, more clever than you and he knows this because he used to be stupid like you. He misses the rather obvious and far more likely explanation that he is simply wrong.

 

He confirms this by saying, “Self admission is too difficult because of their egos. Admitting you are wrong is beyond them.” This is a man who is moaning about conditions from 4 years ago. Conditions that he has to lie and exaggerate about in order to make them seem sufficiently scary. This man is a prize prat.

 

Then we shift gears violently and finally start the main event of this fear porn, war! And Oliver seamlessly morphs into a purveyor of Russian propaganda.

 

So why do the conspiracy crowd like Putin? We could do a whole show about this so Ill be brief. Its down to two things. One quite complex and another depressingly simple. The complex part is this. Its a combination of the need to be contrarian – if the news says Putin is bad then we think the opposite and the propaganda of Russia Today news outlet and a thing called memetic warfare. Put simply the ct crowd like RT because it is critical of the US and UK government. It has been critical of wars and paid lip service to ideas such as 911 being an inside job. What most people don’t realise is that RT is an arm of the Kremlin and exists to subtly undermine trust in western institutions such as government. This is a concept called destabilisation, its a real conspiracy and not surprisingly one that the conspiracy crowd has missed by a country mile. Memetic warfare is spreading tropes via the internet. An example would be the concept that the US government invented AIDS. This was promulgated by Russia and to be fair it seems possible and to some more than plausible, especially if you are of a mindset that distrusts institutions. Now it is wise to be wary of government and institutions but when your thoughts are dictated by another rival government then that’s just as bad. The second simple reason is that Putin hates gay people, trans people, has persecuted Muslims and is opposed to immigration. These bigoted positions align depressingly well with modern conspiracists.

 

“Anyone paying attention to reality knows that Russia has won its war in Ukraine. Probably better described as a proxy war of the US and NATO with Ukraine as the bait”

 

He then says they should have signed a peace deal two years ago and that Boris Johnson scuppered this. This just serves to highlight Oliver's profound ignorance. The deal that was offered by Putin was that Russia gets to keep the annexed regions of Crimea, Donetsk and Luhansk but also essentially the complete eradication of the Ukrainian identity under the guise of denazification. In speeches Putin has also expressed a desire to re-establish the border of Russia from several hundred years ago, meaning that other independent countries would be taken back under the wing of Russia, without any say in the matter. This idea that there was a deal that could be in any way accepted is simply a myth. 

 

Realistically what does he think this will achieve? Does he fondly imagine that Zelensky is a fan of GB news? What does he imagine will happen? Does he really think that Zelensky on hearing this will pack it all in and solemnly explain to his country, “Sorry but man from BBC Coast says this is unwinnable.”

 

He then quotes Russian propaganda verbatim, saying that over 600000 Ukrainian soldiers have died and uses the term meat grinder to imply that this senseless massacre is almost automated and that the Ukrainian government are essentially sending troops to die. The truth is that this term is actually best applied to the Russians who are constantly expanding the recruitment criteria in order to force people to go and fight and die. Ukraine has lost about 31000 soldiers and thousands of civilians in attacks that are almost certainly war crimes by Putin. Russia has had at least 150000 dead and its forced conscriptions are causing mass exoduses of people from Russia to any country that will take them.

 

But lets say that this is accurate, what does he think will happen to other Ukrainian soldiers and civilians if they do surrender? Does he think that they will just draw a line under everything and go about their day, or perhaps will their be continued violence and death against the defeated forces that until recently were mortal enemies.

 

“Its about acquiring Russian wealth” says Oliver. This just isn’t true at all. If anything the conflict is about expanding the Russian empire and stealing Ukrainian wealth. You see there is an angle to the conflict that isn’t much spoken of, gas reserves. In 2013 Ukraine discovered huge gas reserves and American firms moved in to try and exploit this. Previously Ukraine had imported its gas from Russia but this gave them the opportunity to not only provide resources for themselves but also steal Russia's clients in Europe. Russia relies on selling gas and oil to the west for its economy. Since the invasion of Ukraine Russia has seized over 80% of these reserves.

 

He then does the whole Ukraine is for money laundering which frankly gets right on my tits. Does nobody watch mafia movies anymore? Laundering is when you take illegal money, say money from drug dealing and you wash it to make it legal, putting it back into the system. That means you pretend it has come from legitimate sources so you can bank it and use it. However this means that you have to pay taxes on the money now. There is no dirty money going into Ukraine so there is no laundering. There might be embezzlement. This is where money designated for one purpose is used for another, but there is absolutely no evidence of that either. This is just bullshit. The man is more crammed full of crap than Elvis Presley’s corpse.

 

Oliver wonders why pundits in the West are saying that this is about defending democracy? Well its because one country invaded another one isn’t it you moron. 

 

This pro Russian nonsense is extremely popular with the crowd Oliver is trying to appeal to, as is the concept of unfettered immigration. But regardless of these tropes being that demographics particular cup of potentially polonium laced tea, these ideas are blatantly contradictory. In one breath there is dogwhistling about the great replacement theory, a large part of which currently includes the idea that men of fighting age are being secretly shipped into the country disguised as asylum seekers, and are waiting for commands to spring into action and enact a coup. Then in the next breath there are suggestions that Ukraine should just give in to the invading Russian army. So in England and Ireland we are to be terribly wary of normal civilians escaping conflict or oppression and seeking asylum, because they might very well be a secret sleeper cell army poised to take over the nation in a violent action. But in Ukraine we are supposed to think that they should simply allow actual soldiers to take over the country as part of a prolonged military campaign, which would involve the murder of civilians, destruction of the infrastructure and the political takeover of the entire country. Its like Native American tribes being told to suck up and get over the land that was stolen from them, the massacres they suffered and atrocities they endured by the girl who pretended to be possessed in the Enfield Poltergeist incident.

 

So, anyway, people, who just so happen to be of colour, who claim to be seeking asylum must be shunned as potential invaders, but actual invaders, with weapons and a track record of being fairly liberal with their attitude to using them, should be welcomed and installed as the new owners of a sovereign nation whilst violently deposing the previous legitimate regime? Apparently people seeking asylum staying in a hotel is a massive potential threat to the UK, whereas an actual military invasion and putsch is somehow Oliver's preference in Ukraine. How does this even begin to make sense? Its a literal doublethink, its the height of hypocrisy. There's more back and forth than a professional ping pong players paddle. Its like hiding in a bomb shelter from a box of fish fingers whilst simultaneously encouraging others to take a leisurely swim with great white sharks. Its a position that has been surprisingly popular amongst talking heads of a certain political persuasion. Possibly because in this metaphor the sharks are white...who can say? 

 

Either way logic has gone out of the window like a Russian businessman. In a way Oliver Reminds me of Russian nesting dolls – the more you unpack him the smaller the substance actually is. His thoughts on the war also reminds me of one of those big furry Russian hats, in as much as I think he looks like a twat.

 

Oliver blathers on

 

“Then we have to consider our leaders and who pulls their strings, whose faces we know not” this is an appeal to the idea of a NWO with shadowy elitists pulling the strings of their puppet politicians. The thing is we do actually know who these people are and it isn’t the Jews. You can see who the donors to political parties are. Its people like the oil industry, Tufton street, the newspaper industry and think tanks connected to moguls such as the Kochs. One of these is Legatum who finance GB News, who Oliver works for.

 

He then goes on about how much he hates unelected Rishi Sunak and unelected Foreign Secretary David Cameron and is appalled that some US politicians seem to support Ukraine. He suggests that Cameron sees war as a way to make money. He makes no mention of the corrupt nature of politics in Russia, how Putin is a dictator that murdered oligarchs and stole their money, or literally imprisoned and murdered political rivals, or that fact that any dissent against the state is met with violence and often death in that part of the world. 

 

Oliver says it is pointless giving money to Ukraine because it all ends up in US banks. Two things, firstly this is a cowardly capitulation to a dictator that has murdered civilians. This is tantamount to saying, let Russia take over any other country they like. Secondly, that's because the money goes to weapons manufacturers like Raytheon which totally undermines his laundering theory, we can literally see where the money has gone. This man is all over the place like Boris Johnson’s love-children.

 

He then lies and says that UK and France have already sent troops to Ukraine to fight and reiterates that Russia has already won. He then evokes Russian Dmitry Medvedev who has said that the West are “Sabre rattlers and irresponsible scoundrels if not lunatics” This is a man who is the deputy chairman of the security council of a country that has invaded another sovereign nation. Oliver points out that Medvedev has stated if NATO troops go into Ukraine this would be a declaration of war. You know what else id a declaration of war? Invading another country. The amount of gaslighting that Russia takes part in makes one wonder how they even have enough fuel left to sell to Europe.

 

Oliver then states that Russia is on a war footing, churning out weapons and resources at a rate of knots. He says that there is no way NATO could catch this up – which somewhat undermines the thing he has just said about sending Ukraine money. 

 

He then says, “Russia has strength and depth and we have searing inadequates like Sunak and Cameron” this is Russian macho worship that borders on the homoerotic and I’m amazed that he hasn’t shown that picture of Putin riding a horse topless. 

 

He then goes on about how the UK state doesn’t defend its citizens. This is after an advocating that Ukraine simply allows a foreign country to murder their population and take it over politically. He has opposed sending money and weaponry to Ukraine to allow their government to do the thing that he hates our government not doing. The man is a cunt. He is more confused than Kanye West at a Klan rally. 

 

He then goes into a spiel that I imagine he thought was quite clever and insightful, “This is in part the consequences of we the people surrendering consciously or unconsciously, willingly or unwillingly, responsibility for ourselves and our loved ones.” The man has just spent god knows how long advising Ukraine to do this very thing.

 

“Not to put too fine a point on it for too long many of us left others to get on with the business of making and keeping us safe. Our predecessors obviously surrendered the means, the practical means to defend ourselves against enemies foreign and domestic, they gave all that up long ago. And the deal was that citizens render themselves helpless, completely defenceless, like naked babes in the face of it all understanding that the state would shoulder the responsibility. Don’t you worry your pretty little heads about protecting yourself, we’ll do that”

 

What in the fucking midlife crisis is he banging on about? Is he talking about guns? This is like a militia fantasy from a man who has just lost an arm wrestle to his son and is desperate to prove that he can still cut it. I will reiterate the hypocrisy of such a statement from a man that has spent the last ten minutes suggesting that an entire country allows a dictator from another country to take it over. This is bollocks. Its more bollocks than you’d find in Jeffrey Dahmer’s fridge.

 

He then segues into some stock NWO twattery, and he says “In pursuit of ends that are dictated by those who see themselves as governing not sovereign nations but who see themselves as governing the world as one. Those one world government types are behind the act of dismantling nation states so they can replace it with a world shaped in their own image” 

 

Make up your bloody mind man. Do you want sovereign countries like Ukraine or not? You have just criticised Sunak and others for not doing what Zelensky is doing – defending his country and his people. This bloke is all over the place like incels at an anime festival.

 

Oliver rambles on

 

“Russia has made it clear that its serious and its not the kind of business that the Prime Minatures of Europe have learned to make their own personal millions from.” He literally said earlier that Cameron saw war as a money making opportunity. You said it was all about dollars and pounds. You are less coherent than Oliver Reed on a stag do. Also did you see what he did, he replaced the word minister with miniature, skilfully implying that they aren’t the equal of macho Putin. He must be very proud of that quip.

 

He then has a small flicker in his eye, he smiles to himself and you can see that he is going to try a gag, but I think he gets caught up, overthinks it and it comes across about as funny as a faulty incubator, “Egos are at play as you would expect from men who routinely wear lifts in their shoes, huh, so they can see over their desks.” I mean what does that even mean? Was he trying to be masculine? Is he on about Ron Desantis? I was so embarrassed at merely hearing this cringe-worthy attempt at tough talk that I briefly considered beating myself to death by continuously striking my forehead against the skirting board, and I only heard it. It is a testament to Oliver's character that he managed to turn a blind eye to such thoughts, or at the very least it says something about his character. Also not to split hairs but you don’t need lifts to see over a desk as you would be seated. You might need a cushion or you could raise the chair but lifts in the shoes would not help at all. 

 

He is building to a dramatic close, “The best we can hope for is that its brinkmanship that we are dealing with, a high stakes game of chicken. I've said before and Ill say it again. Its my hope that these peacocks, these strutting inadequates don’t actually plan to risk their pampered indulged existences with anything quite as final as WW3. God forbid anything might happen to ruffle their suits or break their windows” 

 

I haven’t heard such pathetic tough talk since I saw my friends child's school production of Guys and Dolls. Also does this so called Historian really think that the way to avoid a potential world war is to allow a dictator to annex another country and then assume they will just stop. Did that work with the Sudetenland prior to WW2?

 

Also the eagle eyed amongst you will have noticed he is mixing up his birds. 

 

I'll give you my birds-eye view of what I think of Neil Oliver.

 

I don’t wish to be hawkish but all these themes seem to have become somewhat of an albatross around the old coots neck he seems to be trying to crane to parrot the talking points of these loons. And I'm not sure this silly goose quite gets them. But if he is swift this turkey can swallow it and end up not looking too much of a tit. Or he can duck this, play ostrich or stork and swan around puffin himself up and pretend hes speaking pigeon English or just wing it – and hell fly in the scene, its very unlikely that he will go the way of the dodo. He can use these videos as the canary in the coal mine so to speak to see what works. He is a bit of a culture vulture and a warbler and he is not averse to robin ideas even mynah ones. Toucan play at that game though and from heron in I won’t put up with any more of this chicken feed from this boobie, he’s cuckoo. The man is a cock. Sorry to crow I don’t want to keep raven on like a mad bustard. 

 

He then finishes by advising Ukrainian soldiers to surrender to Russia or submit to the fact that they will die. The man is a cowardly, quisling tosspiece. Slava Ukraine.

 

So what is my conclusion. Oliver falls into the third category. I suspect he believes little of the nonsense he spouts. I think that he has just seen an opportunity and taken it due to the ready- made audience that are there to lap up this outrage fodder and don’t mind spending their money either. He doesn't seem to actually know the topics he is speaking about particularly well. He has a very basic grasp of tropes and is simply using them as way to make money. He seems to know a few buzzwords but he comes across as someone trying to fit in. On certain topics he is more out of his depth than Natalie Wood. I was also surprised at how poor an orator he is. I suspect this is because he doesn’t fully understand the topics he is pretending to care about and simply can’t be bothered to actually research them even to a cursory level. This comes across as insultingly lazy and insincere to the point of mocking and implies a real lack of respect for his followers that would rival the Reverend Jim Jones. Sure he might truly have felt put out by covid restrictions and felt the need to complain the a child in the backs eat on a long journey. But the rest seems painfully performative and we are definitely talking am dram rather than Hollywood. My take is that he is using his audience. Like an ageing pop star forced to do tours of Japan, grinding out material that he doesn’t relate to, to an audience that he actively resents. Each appearance reminding him in ever more excruciating detail how happy he used to be, each word uttered expanding that gap between integrity and prostitution ever wider and each smiling face in the audience driving home what a fraud he is. He knows its shit. He knows that it is shameful. He knows that its dishonest and fraudulent. He knows that it is deeply sad. But what else has he got? 

 

And hey at least he gets paid and the audience get what they want, which to indulge in fantasies of being oppressed rebels, playing detective whilst leading the underground rebellion against tyrannical overlords with the special knowledge they acquired as a by product of being so against authority and misunderstood by society, rather than grow up and get on with their lives. Such is the world.

 

I was reminded of an article I read about Oliver written by a former flatmate. He said that Oliver has changed over the years. He said “He was intelligent, curious, funny, irreverent, and self-deprecating – seemingly the antithesis of the grizzled bloviator who now often pops up, occasionally on my social media feeds” One of the things he did say was that Oliver had a habit of stealing jokes and phrases and claiming they were his own thoughts. One particular incident involved a Woody Allen joke that he passed off as his own for years. It would appear that he has transitioned from jokes to conspiracy theories.

 

I think the best way to sum up Oliver is by paraphrasing the popular idiom, those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat shit.